The Mechanics of Fate

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What will our wager with the universe be? The more exhausted we are the more we look for signs. Or at least, the more signs take on a meaning for us. Where sometimes we are protected by a thin veneer of distance, the universe can always pour in. How can we make sense of this overwhelming feeling? We can make a bet – if the next car to come around the corner is red, then everything will be okay; if this object remains unbroken, then things are not so bad; if the cat says hello back, then I know that I exist. We rationalise our losses as we exaggerate our victories. To bet on the universe is to make a bet with all that which exceeds our control. We need to mediate our relative powerlessness – all the more so when we feel that our grip has gone and our skin faces only outwards.

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July 4th: Diaries 1991-2000

1991

Bitch

1992

Time: 12.50am

Today’s been good in places. Had rehearsal for Shakespeare and M etc were taking the piss out of C (again). IN the evening B came round before the Barn Dance in fact here she is now: hello – yes its me the famous (big-headed Bolchy) B! All I’d really like to say is I’M IN LOVE his name (confidential info here) MM!!! yes queer name lush person. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Nx

As you can see she’s mad(ly) (in love!) Went to Neston Barn dance tonight. It was a bit of laf! J + B J came round this afternoon. They’re both sweet!

See ya,

Nina

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July 3: Diaries 1991-2000

1991

silly

1992

Time: 11.15pm

Today’s been TOTALLY + ABSOLUTELY QUEER. It’s just been really wet + windy and just about everyone has been really bitchy and everyone had a mass fight (me, S, L, T, etc.) It’s a bit complicated really.

I had a go at C this morning because I hate the way she’s changed and after we made up and she thanked me for it! Strange. The weather really changes people. Sports Day was cancelled (due to weather).

I did my piano exam and well messed it up! I don’t particularly care! My period is really heavy today it’s sick. I tried using a tampon but I couldn’t. I hate it. It’s not fair. Men don’t have this hassle do they? No. They may have wet dreams but at least they enjoy them when they’re happening.

See ya,

Nina

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July 2nd: Diaries 1991-2000

1991

you

1992

Time: 10.00pm

What a pisser. I came on tonight and I’ve got Sports Day tomorrow. It’s not fair. J + me were flirting with each other all day. He kept putting his hand up my skirt,* typical! I found out that PW fancies me + he dumped J today. BF asked me out and I said no, sorry. Amazing hey!?! I’ve also got my grade 4 piano exam tomorrow, Me + B have been really well close, Nina

*don’t worry, I didn’t let him!

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