Life is pointless. What are we? Why are we here? We are born then because known and die not accomplishing anything and no-one will remember you. Sure there are small think people will remember you for but as far as time is concerned you are just a leaf on it’s continually shedding Tree of life. One tiny microdot in a seething mass of obsquerity and hostileness. Time won’t stand still for you. Things change, people die, people are born, it never stops but one day in the in July of 1999 the world will end. I truly believe this will happen. An Antichrist will be born from the evil of the Earth and will halt time forever. Nostradamus was a truly great and historic man. He is one man no-one will ever forget for it was he who plotted their deaths.
Sorry about yesterday. I just forgot. Today’s been an experience. The WWYO went to London to play in the National Festival for Youth Finals (!!). It was good and it was nice to see the hall and the rest of London. Me & A sneaked out (strictly dis-allowed!) and caught the tube to Westminster. It was really excellent fun and A is a really good friend. I’d like to live in London when I’m older, maybe just for a little while. It’s such a great place.
Had another concert this evening at Dt. Laurence School before we leave for Berlin on Sunday. I’m looking forward to it but I’m really going to miss M & everyone. I’ll see him tomorrow to say ‘goodbye’.
Stayed over O’d last night after band. Went to Bath today with O and bought St. Pepper’s on Vinyl. It was really good except O was feeling ill.
Went to Longleat tonight to see their version of Last Night of the Proms with Midland symphony orchestra. It was really good and there is something uncannily moving about Jurasalum Jurusalem Jurusalem (whatever). Well that’s it.
Visited the Forest of Dean today – was okay perhaps a bit hot in the afternoon!
Writing tomorrow + D is coming over for a bit – I really feel terrible about all this secrecy.
I cannot believe what has happened.  jumped on E on Saturday at D’s party and fingered her so viciously she bled – she had to like, beg him to stop. What the fuck is wrong with him?
No one should be capable of causing that much pain to someone – she is so unhappy.
What a fucking psychopath he is.
Definitely not a happy day. Worked for 10 hours then saw O and everything went wrong.
I don’t know what the fuck we’re going to do about September.
All I know is that I love him more than ever and it’s going to break my heart to leave him.
Visited P in Bath RUH today – I feel so bad for him. It’s so harsh – I don’t really get it.
Didn’t do a lot else – N’s coming tomorrow!
Really looking forward to seeing him because he’s great.
Still no job but hey – it’s only money/time/discipline….
Today okay – did get (allegedly) £560 for silly Cor Anglais sample – which is odd. But not bad! Trying not to feel guilty though…how daft.
Read a little, went to the pub tonight with VK and & c.
Really nice to chat with them – not sure about most other people there though…Too much like school…
Wrote some letters too – kinda fun.
Day off work – great! Still, my dreams are too strange and my thoughts are too reflective. It’s all very odd. Read a lot today – Beckett + Deleuze – both great; inspiring, affecting, difficult.
I have too many insect bites again. What are these things? I don’t ever see them. So irritating. Meal tonight with some family friends – hard but less hard – food was great!